Asking for a date

Whether a date is spontaneous or planned, the first or the last date, or you are young or old, sooner or later, when you go out with someone, this comes down to this: Everyone should ask for the date.

No matter how much or how little you plan (and regardless of your reputation, your Aunt Sylvia, the knot in your stomach, your friends' advice, your New Year's resolution or your success with chat or lack thereof) no one with the possible exception of Adam, ever made a date without to ask for it. I bet that even with God as an intermediary, Eve sooner or later expected Adam to pony up and find the courage to ask if they could take a walk in paradise, and if he didn't, it explains a lot about the snake, you think does not?

Look it in, the only thing scarier than the first date is asking for the first date. But if you remember that you are not looking for a cure for cancer, that you will not die even if he or she says "yes" and that life, as we know it, will continue, no matter what your potential date answer, you can relax enough to actually (swallow) ask for a date.

Gazillions of perfectly normal (and lots of less than normal) people have all become nervous about asking for a date. You and I and everyone else are connected to a host of sweaty, nervous, stuttering, tongue-tied souls and even the slippery feeling anxious on the inside to ask for a date. Are you feeling better? None? I was afraid of that. Never fear - in this chapter I tell you some things that will comfort you in the issue, assist you in the accomplishment, and protect you from any possible destruction beyond a teensic squeeze on the ego.

Risking rejection

The first rule to ask for a date is this: No guts, no glory. The worst case scenario is that the expected date says no. At that point you are no worse off than you are right now.

Rejection is definitely not fun, but a rejection is just a person's opinion of you. You don't like everyone and not everyone will like you. If someone says no, he or she misses to know how truly amazing you are.

Rejection can be the beginning of opportunity. Scads of hugely successful people just wouldn't take no for an answer. Think of Fred Astaire: When he first traveled to Hollywood, a talent scout wrote, "Big ears, too skinny, big nose, can dance a little." Many famous beauties and stars in many fields had to deal with someone else's negative perception of them - no one has been exposed to rejection.

The question is: Do you want to let it down? Of course not! Alexander the Great probably conquered the world at the age of 30 because a short-sighted lass turned him down - perhaps because he was too intense or short or something. Maybe that rejection made him want to do more than most

Greeks serve. (It's a pun; say it out loud - but definitely don't use it until the fourth or fifth date, or after you're married, or your last child leaves university, or your consultation is over.)

Rejection means this person says no, but not everyone wants to. You have to realize when no is no, when someone shows no interest. If someone consistently says no when asking for a date, it's okay to say, "Look, I hear you're not interested and I don't want to be a pest. If you ever change your mind, here's my number, "or" I'll call you in a year, "but then for heaven's sake, don't call before that. Over time, the piece really disappears.